Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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