I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize