She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize