im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize