I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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