Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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