then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize