im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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