sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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