Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
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I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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