Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
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Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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