My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize