so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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