What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
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Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
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The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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