Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
There's even glitter on my cock...
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