life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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