She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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