So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
The air taste purple.
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