You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
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It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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