The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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