Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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