1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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