Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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