fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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