Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize