I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize