New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm getting married
To pizza
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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