my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my sisters under your porch take her home
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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