So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
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I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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