He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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