so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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