who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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