just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
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do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
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The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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