So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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