he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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