Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
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