did you get engaged???
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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