i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
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it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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