Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize