There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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