omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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