Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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