Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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