Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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