Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize