I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
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Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
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You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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