My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize