piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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