She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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