we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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